![]() ![]() Writer-director Six obviously aggrandizes himself as a genius despite his "poop fetish" since he appears as himself to concoct a multi-hundred person centipede to curtail inmate-on-inmate violence at the prison. Continuing farther down the rabbit hole of meta "humor", the excruciating Human Centipede III is the absolute doldrums of the horror movie season. I was a supporter of the artfully grotesque first two chapters, but Tom Six tragically botches the final installment in his body-mutilation trilogy. Human Centipede 3 is 100 minutes of pathetic flop sweat that could more or less end with the throwaway punchline, "The Aristocrats!" The movie is trying so hard to be shocking and irreverent that you can see all the pained efforts. Until that awful reveal, you will have to endure, no a better word is survive, extended "comedy" bits like Laser sticking his tongue out and roaring in orgasm while his secretary (Bree Olsen) is forced to felate him while others are in the room. Ignoring the escalation of all the Centipede sequels, it's a facile plot device and it doesn't even happen until the very end. The premise is basically an insane prison warden (Laser) is going to create his own human centipede, the biggest ever, linking over 100 inmates. It's not funny no matter how weird or loud or garish or bloody or dumb it gets. It's cheap vulgarity masquerading as edgy provocation it's transparently lazy and insufferable. It's like Dieter Laser was just told to do whatever he wanted as long as he yelled as loud as he could and based his performance after the Looney Tunes cast. Scenes just seem to go on and on and exist for no purpose. This is a horrifying endurance test not unlike Tom Green's abysmal lone directorial affront, Freddy Got Fingered. The sequel was pretty repulsive and the third film, with the hopeful promise of being the "final sequence," is even worse. I'll confess that horror is a genre I've grown to enjoy and I genuinely liked the first Centipede film, finding its premise near ingenious and that writer/director Tom Six developed his horror grotesquerie in a way that turned it into an accessible survival thriller with some gonzo edges. "comedy," Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence. And you really owe me big time for sitting through all 100 torturous minutes of the regretful-in-every-aspect horror. Sometimes as a critic I seek out the worst of the worst so you don't have to, America. ![]()
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